On social media at the moment a debate is taking place regarding the sexual harassment and abuse of female comedians within the industry. How can such harassment be so prevalent and yet seem invisible to many of those (men) working in the industry? Just look around you: in the very same week Loose Women, a TV programme fronted by women, aimed at women and sponsored by Women’s Aid, trivialised and downplayed the catcalling which women and young girls encounter when out in public.  Also doing the rounds on social media was an old clip of Megan Fox talking about how she was sexualised as a minor for a major Hollywood franchise much to the amusement of everyone around her.

As for the Loose Women panellists, they seemed to suggest rather disingenuously that the worst any woman has to contend with is the odd wolf-whistle, beep of a car horn or the occasional shout of ‘Oh ay love’, presumably from your local friendly cockney. The panel concluded that any such behaviour by men should be regarded as a compliment and any woman who complains really needs to lighten up. Only the journalist Jane Moore pointed out that the possible tone and number of men involved might be an issue. You think?

That men and women interact in public spaces every day with nothing untoward happening is a given. Nor are most men dicks but what the average Joe is probably unaware of is the amount of crap that women, particularly girls and young women, have to put up with. A man sees a woman being catcalled on the street. It’s a one-off; it looks pretty harmless, what’s the big deal; it probably won’t even register as he goes about his day.  For a woman experiencing the catcalling it’s a totally different experience because it’s not just the micro-aggression of that one occurrence of catcalling, however innocuous it may seem from the outside looking in; it is the cumulative effect of all the micro-aggressions that have preceded it.

Add to that the sense of entitlement that some men have which can be truly frightening as is the anger it can trigger when such a man perceives the woman is being perverse and ‘holding out’. This sense of entitlement needs only two things to be activated; the woman happens to be in the same space as him and she doesn’t have a man with her. That’s it.

Once on the tube the man opposite me was staring at my legs to such an extent I began to feel uncomfortable. He then followed me out at my stop. I did my usual trick when I think a man might be following me (yes, women have to plan ahead): I stood still and pretended to look for something in my handbag so he had to go on ahead. Once I felt the coast was clear I headed off only for him to double back and follow me up the escalator. I confronted him and asked why he was following me. ‘You’ve got great legs,’ he replied. ‘What’s that to do with you?’ He didn’t reply but continued to follow me to the exit where I had to ask the guy at the barrier not to let him through.

Another time I was on the bus at 4 in the afternoon; I’d been for a big shop, surrounded by bags of shopping; I had no make up on, dressed in old clothes and it is more than likely I hadn’t brushed my hair that morning. If ever there was a woman signposting she was up for sex this was clearly it apparently. The guy next to me had tried to get my attention throughout the journey. I ignored him. He got off at my stop, and I did my old handbag trick until he passed my street, which is when I made for home, only for the man to double back and follow me. I stopped outside a house where someone was gardening and confronted the guy. He looked at me, looked at the neighbour, he hesitated and then walked off. But really what did he think was going to happen? I’d put the shopping away and then fuck him?

Another time I was walking down the street late at night when a car skidded to a halt in front of me. The driver rolled down the window and offered to give me a lift. ‘No, thanks,’ I replied and carried on walking. At which point he erupted into incandescent fury. ‘You fucking cunt, you fucking bitch, I’m trying to do you a favour,’ and so on: you get the drift. Of course, by now, I’m worried about what might happen if he gets out the car.

These are merely a few examples in a litany of micro-aggressions that I have personally experienced. They are all a drop in the ocean, bearing in mind that it is unlikely any woman reaches adulthood without having been sexually harassed, assaulted, made to feel frightened or objectified in some way. Moreover, if you’re a woman of colour you’ll probably have a few racist tropes thrown into the mix for good measure. Sexual harassment of women is ubiquitous; it is such a constant in women’s lives, especially from your pre-teens to mid/late-thirties (to any younger women reading this, you can look forward to such attention petering off once you look middle-aged but it will not disappear entirely) and yet all this harassment is hidden in plain sight. In some cases, sexual harassment/abuse is such a part and parcel of a woman’s existence she ends up believing it’s the norm. Even if that’s not the case, women often compartmentalise what they have been through as a coping mechanism and bury it deep inside themselves; so much so women don’t even talk to each other about what has happened to them. There are specialist employment attorneys to guide you if you’re experiencing harassment in the workplace.

That was one reason the #metoo movement was such a revelation to women let alone men: it was the moment when women realised they weren’t alone; they hadn’t just been unlucky; it wasn’t a case of them being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They realised that the sexual harassment of women is woven into the fabric of society; and that this fabric only begins to tear if we address it. That being so why do women not speak out when it should be to their advantage to do so?

Firstly, women are taught from a very early age not to. The news, history, literature, movies, stories, social media, the very culture we imbibe throughout our lives warns us that women who put their head over the parapet tend to have nasty things happen to them. Caroline Criado-Perez received numerous rape threats for the apparent crime of suggesting that maybe one of the UK’s most successful authors Jane Austen should appear on the £10 note.

If you can be vilified as a woman for making such an innocuous suggestion, think how scary it is when you are giving voice to something far more personal. The comedy industry doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s a reflection of the society we live in and when it comes to men who transgress, it’s generally not their behaviour that is called into account but that of the victim. What’s he like, eh? It was just a bit of banter; men will be men; whereas the victim is frigid, uptight, hysterical, lacks a sense of humour or simply can’t take a joke.  Moreover, if there’s a price to pay it’s usually the victim that pays it.

While the victim’s reaction is writ large, the behaviour of the man is downplayed. This is made all the more pernicious because it’s not just men telling female victims they are making a drama out of a molehill; it’s other women too.

Let’s look again at the Loose Women view of catcalling on the street. Remember that according to their rose-tinted version, it is some light banter, maybe the beeping of a horn. But that’s not the full story. Catcalling is not exclusively some ‘light banter’. It might well range from hello beautiful to being told by some stranger that he’d like to fuck you/rape you; or maybe you hit the jackpot and get to experience the delights of a stranger rubbing his erect dick against your leg in a tube or bus, packed so tight, you are unable to move away. When I lived in Paris I had a friend run into the flat screaming because some guy had not only masturbated on the metro carriage she was in, he had come down her leg; and it was all down her skirt, her tights and in her shoe.

And it’s not just women who are subjected to this abuse. The #EverydaySexism project reports girls as young as 9 being harassed. Surely no one is suggesting that 9 year old girls should consider it flattery or ‘just a laugh’ if some middle-aged man importunes them? But that begs the question: what age are young girls supposed to find it amusing to be objectified by men? 10, 11, 12, 13 14, 15, 16? Personally, I suggest we go for never.

Then there is the fear factor. A man harangues you in the street: it may seem harmless but as a woman you can never be sure. Say you ignore him because you don’t want to encourage him. He gets angry, starts to follow you, maybe he starts calling you a slag and a whore, maybe he spits at you, maybe he shoves you against the wall and grabs your crotch ‘to teach you a lesson’. Maybe it reminds you of the time you were a schoolgirl when you were harangued on your way home by a bunch of boys, who surrounded you, copped a feel and then called you a slag the next day because you had ‘let it happen’.

What if the woman being catcalled is a victim of domestic abuse and had the shit kicked out of her the night before? Presumably, the last thing she needs is yet another man yelling at her. What if it’s a 15 year-old schoolgirl who has to face a barrage of abuse every time she goes to and from school? Exactly how often does it have to happen for her not to find it amusing? Maybe she’s already feeling sensitive because she was called ‘frigid’ for not sexting and now that she has finally sent some photos of herself topless she’s being blackmailed with the very same photos into giving the person she had sexted oral sex. Or maybe she’s a woman who’s worked bloody hard all day and just wants to put her feet up and be left in peace.

And what about at night? Is catcalling just a laugh, a compliment, if you’re walking home alone at night and no one else is around. I used to work as a rep in Spain. In the early hours of one morning, I was dropped off at the bottom of my road after a late night airport transfer. On my road was a bar. It was shut for the night but in front of it were sprawled three young men, worse the wear for drink. As soon as I walked past, they started following me up the road, catcalling me, laughing and joking about me as they steadily got closer and closer. Did I find their catcalling a laugh? A compliment? What do you think?

And surely the very concept that catcalling is some kind of compliment is ludicrous. I’ve never had a boyfriend decide against whispering sweet nothings in my ear but choose instead to wait till we were out and about, then cross over the road, stand beside a few of his mates and shout with all his might ‘great tits’. A factually correct statement but given the means of communication I wouldn’t regard it as a compliment per se.

Secondly, and I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade, but when men catcall you or beep at you in public it’s generally NOT because they have become smitten with how beautiful YOU are, it’s simply because you’re a woman and you’ve happened to cross their path and passed the most basic of tests: you don’t look like an extra from MingersRUs and you don’t look too ancient. That’s it. If you regard that kind of behaviour as some kind of validation you might want to see a professional about your low self-esteem. In fact, I would contend that catcalling is more often a means by which men aim to intimidate women and make them feel crap about themselves rather than, as the Loose Women panellists would have us believe, a way of men expressing their desire for you.

It just so happened that while writing this I came across the clip of Megan Fox telling host Jimmy Kimmel how she was sexualised at age 15 for a major Hollywood film for the titillation of older men. This wasn’t some funny anecdote; her treatment by director Michael Bay has scarred her deeply. Rather than be horrified, Jimmy Kimmel and the audience laughed. Kimmel went one step further by dismissing what happened by suggesting that any man would have thought the same.  Imagine that: you’re on TV: you’ve opened up about what is one of the most vulnerable events of your life and everyone around you laughs in your face. When the #metoo movement came to the fore, Megan Fox kept quiet and, really, who could blame her.

This, in a nutshell, is what happens when women speak out and why we don’t. We are scared of the repercussions; we are scared we won’t be believed; we are scared what has happened to us will be dismissed; and the constant denial of our reality can make you start doubting yourself. Oh, and if you’re wondering who had a career after Megan Fox’s revelations, Michael Bay or her, then you really haven’t been paying attention.

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